Parenting Moments: F is for Fail…

 

I think I must be doing this wrong. Somewhere along the line, I missed out on some essential child-rearing information; maybe I lost the manual…

Okay, okay. But if there had been a manual, I would have lost it.

Every day, my seriously awesome and adorable children come home from school and I pull up their daily school report thingy.  It tells us what grades they got on what and if there are any missing assignments still outstanding.

And this is when I start to feel twitchy.

‘Why is this still showing as missing?’

‘I don’t know. Maybe the teacher forgot to enter it in?’

‘REALLY?’

‘Er. I don’t think I turned it in’

Frustration starts to set in.

‘This one is STILL missing?!? It’s from March!’

‘I finished that. But I don’t remember if I turned it in either.’

At some point in this process, I become completely amazed that I haven’t pulled all of my hair out. Or thrown something. Which only happened once, scared the bejezus out of both myself and the kid, and left me with an underlying guilt concerning books and how they’re not known for their flying ability.

It’s also at this point that I begin to feel that somewhere, somehow, I have failed to teach these kids how to be successful in school, which in turn will lead to their failure at adult life, and that in twenty years, I’ll find them living in a van down by the river.

I guess I assumed that if MC and I always made school a priority, that the kids would too.  Not the case, as I’m finding out. But maybe that’s okay… no, really!

Because it makes me have to look at my kids as a whole and not just the reflection of their grades, I have found some really amazing qualities that I might not have noticed otherwise.

Also, I might just be saying that to make myself feel better about this situation. 

How do you feel when your kids don’t  perform to your expectations?  Or perhaps this only happens to my kids…

(sigh)

Parenting Moments #2…

{I wrote this on T Bub’s birthday last week}

 

Here I am… sitting at the Water Park of America, watching my {newly} thirteen year old son. He wouldn’t be happy to know that I’m writing about him, to be sure. But this is the first time one of my kids has hit the teens, and I have to admit to being a little freaked out by that.

 

Okay… more than a little freaked out.

Why?

I just realized I’m past the halfway point. You know, the half way point of how long I get to keep him…

 

{Twenty-four hours old}

 

Although he’s already started making decisions for himself, he’s still mine until he turns eighteen. And if I had known how fast this time would fly, maybe I would have held on a little tighter…

 

{Five years old}

 

But I realize that my whole goal as a parent has been to teach him how to be an adult. MC and I have been teaching him to be responsible, thoughtful, caring… and a productive member of adult society. Together, we’re giving him the tools to be on his own one day.

 

{Nine years old}

Here’s where my heart screams: But that’s technically only five years away… And I’m not ready!

But my head knows how far he’s come: from a kindergartener that didn’t like to be touched, spent the day underneath his desk and couldn’t handle having his crayons out of order (or his Matchbox cars, or his trains), to a first grader with one loyal friend, to a nine year old who learned how to hug his grandparents (yes, learned how to hug. We worked on this for years…), to a thirteen year old that can converse with friends and not talk only about planes (or trucks or the Aerial Lift Bridge {long story}).

 

So here I am… sitting at the Water Park of America, and I can’t believe how lucky I am that I get to be this kid’s mom. And I’ll use this birthday as a reminder of how blessed I am to have been allowed on this journey with this awesome kid.

 

{Happy 13th Birthday, T Bub!}

 

Parenting Moments, No. 1…

I have been a parent for a little over twelve years now.  And if there’s one thing I’ve learned in all those years, it’s that I have no idea what I’m doing.

Occasionally, I’ll fall into believing that I’m in charge and have it all under control.  Everything is running smoothly, everyone is behaving, so I must be the Best Parent Ever. 

And then I do something so dumb, that I wonder how I have any credibility with my kids at all.

On Wednesday, Lovely L got herself into some trouble while at a friends house.  When called out on it, she stormed out of the neighbors house and slammed their front door so hard that it bounced back open.

By the time Lovely L got back to our house, the other parent had already called and filled me in on the situation.  Due directly to Lovely’s actions, a comedy of errors ensued of epic proportions.  An almost literal domino effect had caused all sorts of other issues and I was furious with her.  Not to mention that slamming doors is a big no-no at both the neighbor and our houses. 

But I am the Best Parent Ever.  So I took a deep breath, and calmly asked Lovely to explain what happened.

*silence*

Again, I went over everything that had been told to me and asked for her version of the story. 

*silence*

I’m getting more frustrated by the minute and still she hasn’t said a word.  Finally, I am fed up with her silence and I tell her exactly what she should be saying (an apology) what she should be doing (apologizing) and why is she just sitting there making me crazy and not answering anything, why won’t she just talk so we can at least have a conversation and discuss this because she’s a big kid and we can TALK so quit just sitting there crying and not saying anything…

*silence*

Fine! I say.  I’m going out to the garden, join me when you feel like talking! and I walk into the garage and slam the door shut. 

Yep.  I did.  I slammed the door. 

Almost immediately I realized what I did.  I am no longer the Best Parent Ever; I am most certainly the Hypocritical Parent of the Year and I lean, defeated against the door. I feel angry with Lovely L and sad and disappointed in myself. 

So standing in the garage, with Lovely on the other side of the door, I said a prayer:  Lord, I am so not the parent I want to be.  Please help me out, because I feel like I’m doing this wrong and I’m am just going to mess this kid up…

And I went in and said said an apology to Lovely L, still silent and sobbing.  My brain completely went haywire at the thought of saying sorry for my actions to a child that didn’t seem sorry and had still not apologized for the huge mess she had created. 

And then it popped into my head:  My slamming the door had just provided me the perfect opportunity to show  Lovely L how to behave when we do something we shouldn’t have done. 

Right now I still don’t feel like the Best Parent Ever.  And I don’t know if what MC and I decided on is the The Best Consequence.  The only thing I know is that everyday is a new chance to try to be the best mom I can be, to love these three kids with all my heart – and if I mess up today – well, tomorrow’s a new day.

{Oh my, how I love this girl!}

Have you ever had a parenting moment that you wish you could rewind or erase altogether?  What would you have done differently?