Five Things I Will Never Do…

When you are younger, you are told (and believe) that you can do anything.  But I know the truth.  Here are five things I thought I would do when I got older, that I will now never be able to do:

1.  Marry a young Paul McCartney.  Granted, this was a long shot even when I dreamt it up, because by that time, Paul was already fifty years old.  That, however, did not stop me from dreaming of the day I would walk up the isle with a 20-something Paul McCartney. 

Now that I’m older I know that Paul only marries blondes or women of wealth.  Also, he’s currently 64 and the time travel machine I imagined would be built by now is nowhere in sight.  So… Marrying (young) Paul McCartney is out.

2.  Live the single life in a trendy apartment in the big city.  Clearly I’m still happily married to MC, so the single part is out.  And now that I’m firmly settled into the ‘burbs, I can’t imagine not having my yard. 

But the biggest thing I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older: I’m very territorial.  I don’t think I could handle people walking down the hallway of my trendy uptown pad and touching my door.  It’s MY door!  I only want people I know touching my door! And just anybody walking down the hallway to their own trendy uptown apartment could walk by and slap their mitts on my door… IT’S MINE! QUIT TOUCHING IT!

3.  Be the pilot of a commercial airliner.  I did at one time desperately believe I wanted to be a pilot.  But I was never meant to be a pilot, and this point was driven home on a recent flight I made with T Bub and Lovely L.  As the plane taxied down the runway, I held Lovely L’s hand so she wouldn’t  be nervous and asked T Bub what every single noise the plane made was.  And we hadn’t even gotten off the ground yet. 

As the plane revved it’s engines in preparation for takeoff, Lovely L, who’s hand I was now crushing in a death-grip of motherly love, had an idea.  She leaned over to T Bub and said, ‘we have to get this plane off the ground! Help me pat!’  If you’ve never seen an episode of Little Einsteins, this will make no sense to you.  But my 11 and 13 year old ‘pat, pat, pat, pat, patted’ the plane into the air so I would quit being terrified by the plane taking off.  (Yes, it helped.  I was laughing hysterically by the time we were in the air.) 

Because it doesn’t matter how many times it’s explained to me, I will never comprehend the physics of how that thing gets and stays in the air.

4.  Win a metal in the Olympics.  Note how I didn’t say win a ‘gold metal’.  I had long ago decided that just winning a metal would be good enough for me.  Once I won, I would wear my metal around to family events and tell funny stories of my time spent in the Olympic Village. 

However, there was one minor setback in my journey to the Olympics.  I was not actually good at any single sport.  And by not very good, I mean astoundingly bad.  I figured I would probably have to settle for a winter sport like the luge that didn’t seem to require much coordination. 

Now that I’m older, I realize it would take all of about three seconds before I crashed the luge sled thing and possibly killed myself.  Since I don’t think a metal (gold or not) is worth my death and I’m not speedy or coordinated enough for any other sport… the Olympics is definitely not going to happen.

5.  Have two sets of identical twins.  Maybe more.  Yeah.  That’s not gonna happen.  We’re done here…

No, really.  I mean it. ; )

5 Fabulous Fourth of July Ideas…

Ah, sweet Day of Independence!  Known for barbecues and blowing things up. Just in time for the Fourth I have found Five Fabulous Fourth of July Ideas.  Try saying that five times fast.

Fun Fact:  Did you know Canada’s Independence day is on the first of July?  Although they didn’t gain full independence from the United Kingdom until 1982…. So, I’m just saying… maybe they weren’t trying too hard or something…

And with that, I lost my Canadian readers.  All two of them. 

(Side note:  I actually love Canadians.  Really!  Since Minnesota borders Canada and the Northwest Angle is in Canada, I'm required to, eh. ; )

Now, onto the goodies!  First up is this amazingness:

Are you serious?  This pure awesomeness from Amanda of I Am Baker was a take-off of Elissa’s cake from 17 And Baking.  Fair warning:  If you head over to either of their sites, you will be there for awhile.  Because those two are A. Maze. Ing. 

Next up is Kami from No Biggie.  She showcased these fun *free* printables over at Tatertots and Jello:

Have I ever told you of my love of printables?  It’s seriously a problem.  I’m on an ink restriction right now because of it.  It’s full disclosure around here, so I just thought you should know. ; )

I couldn’t resist these from Kami either.  Because I like food that doesn’t require too much thinking.  And people, shoving a star shaped cookie cutter through a slice of watermelon is something I can handle. 

Oh. Man.  I love when decorating is this easy.  Print page.  Insert in frame.  Done.  Jamie over at The Crafting Chicks made my day with this.  Too bad I can’t print it out.  Ink restriction and all…

Although these patriotic strawberries have made their way around the Internets, I first found them at Baking Bites.  Nicole gives great instructions and dang, are these easy.  I may actually attempt these for the Fourth. 

And finally, we end with these awesome Fourth of July decorations from Madigan Made.  Not only are these incredibly cute, but she made them from Dollar Store candy dishes!!!  Madigan gives a great tutorial on how she turned those star shaped candy dishes into cute Fourth of July décor and I am definitely going to try it out.

And now I just realized I have six Fabulous Fourth of July Ideas. 

Since I like the alliteration of Five Fabulous Fourth of July Ideas, I’m keeping that the title of this post.  You can consider that sixth one a bonus.  You’re welcome. ; )

What plans do you have for Independence Day? 

Five Things on Friday: Front Porch...

Let's sit back and take a look at my front porch:

Hey now, I didn't say point and mock!

Yes, my porch is looking a little neglected and sad. But hey! Check out that cool flower basket, isn't that awesome?

I needed some inspiration before I tackled the porch so I turned to, where else... the Internet. And I found tons of incredible ideas. So let's get right to some lovely front porches and see just what it is that makes them not sad and neglected.
Our first one is courtesy of Between Naps on The Porch.

First off, I love the red door. Second, I love the symetrical-ness (if that's not word, then it should be) of the lights and urns.
Did I mention I love the red door?
My only problem here is that I don't own any urns and having looked at the cost... let's just say that the Master chef is not on board with urn purchasing at this time.

Okay, next up is this porch:

Source

Oh. My. Awesomeness... Geraniums? Ferns? Comfy seating?
I want to live on this porch. I want to sip tea and read in the shade while my gardener works in the yard.
Alas, my porch isn't even a fraction of the size of this, so I can't really use any ideas from it. Plus, anything under my supervision that resides in a pot is soon dead. And dead plants aren't really nice to look at. Oh. And I don't actually have a gardener.

Next up:

Source

How welcoming is that? I love all the different varieties of coleus and did you see the rocking bench? Way cool.
Except that the coleus are in pots. And the rocking bench might be the actual dimensions of my entire porch. I need smaller ideas.

Source

Okay, too small.

Source

Again, beautiful... and oh, so too big for my tiny porch. Why did I pick these?!?

Okay. I give up. It's apparent to me that what I want is a full length porch with lots of seating and plants. And my poor little porch is now seeing a therapist over what can only be described as my overwhelming disappointment in it's diminutive size.

I guess I'll just have to come up with something that is lovely and welcoming all on my own, so wish me luck (Oh! And just maybe you have a great idea to help beautify my little porch? Tell me about it!).

And there you have five ideas for someone who has a lovely full length front porch.

Five Things on Friday...Fix it With Epoxy!

It started out with just one thing. It was a piece of Bitty's bed that had gotten broken off during a particularly loud and crazy playdate. I set the piece on top of the piano with the intention of gluing it on later that day.

A week later, it was joined by two picture frames. Victims of our basement flood last year, the backing had separated from the front of the frames and needed to be glued back on.

Then, while walking past T Bub's room, I noticed that one of the hang-y thingys from his coat rack had come off and was lying on the floor. Up on top of the piano it went.

The stuff sat there for awhile, gathering dust and making me feel guilty every time I walked past it.

Then, two things happened on the same day. I was hanging my coat on the coat rack when, heavily weighted to one side, the thing tipped over and crashed, breaking one of the coat hooks clean off. Secondly, I saw these and decided I needed a set in my dining room.

Off to Target I went and came home with this:

Yeah, baby, that's what I'm talking about. I'm not just going to glue this stuff, I'm gonna epoxy it! And because crafty stuff is oh so much more fun than fixing broken stuff, I started with my Dollar Store hurricanes: I still haven't decided what I want to put in them, so I just threw in some sand and an Easter egg. Hmmm, maybe I should clean the glass off ; )

The coat rack has had this treatment before. Yep, all four of those hooks have been glued back on at various times: Next up were my two picture frames: Awww, lookit baby Bitty...

Then T Bub's airplane coat rack: At this point I was having fun and started prowling the house looking for other things I could glue together. Bad Idea: this epoxy has a five minute dry time so by the time I remembered I still needed to glue the post onto Bitty's bed, the epoxy had started to harden inside the spout piece. I managed to rip that spout off so I could still use the epoxy and fix Bitty's bed: And there you have Five Things I Fixed With Epoxy.

Have you fixed anything lately?

The First Five Things on Friday...

*UPDATE*

The Jello trick was AWESOME. I almost blew it because I couldn't stop giggling as I served them their 'juice'. I think this worked so well because I brought out a pitcher of red juice and set it on the counter in front of the kids. Even after they realized they couldn't suck anything up through the straw, they kept trying, which cracked MC and I up.

Nope, this is not an April Fool's joke. For my very first Five Things on Friday, I thought I would share some of the great trick food ideas I found while scouring the Internet. Why was I intently searching for two days (no, really! I was) while freezing in my basement? Well, to fool my kids with some awesome April Fool's Day foods, of course!

The first thing I came upon was genius. Fill your child's cup with Jello and let it set overnight. I love the straw stuck in the Jello:

From Amy at LivingLocurto.com

For a main course, may I suggest cupcakes? Mmmm, yummy! That is, if you're a fan of meatloaf and mashed potatoes...

Although I love both meatloaf and mashed potatoes, I have to admit that taking a bite of something I thought was going to be sweet and finding something meaty sounds...well, nasty. But funny! Is that so wrong?

From Julie at the303griffiths.com

Here's another 'dinner' that looks like a dessert. This one sounds tasty, but that just may be because I love anything having to do with pizza. This is made in a Bundt pan with mozzarella cheese melted on top to look like icing. Awesomeness!

From Tasteofhome.com

From two dinners that looked like desserts we move on to two desserts disguised as dinner. First up is a 'grilled cheese sandwich' that is actually made from pound cake and icing.

From Familyfun.com

That looks so real! I feel like warming up a bowl of tomato soup right now. Did anyone else have grilled cheese and tomato soup growing up? In our house it was the go to meal for something quick and easy. Next up: Spaghetti and meatballs anyone? Nope, this is butter cream frosting, strawberry ice cream sauce and malt balls. I think this would totally fool my kids. And they would love it!

From Tasteofhome.com

I can't wait to see the kids' expressions when they try to drink their 'juice' tonight. Oh, and the Master Chef's... I kinda switched his dresser drawers around...

Happy April Fools Day!